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Saturday, October 8, 2011

Random Reminders

It has been over 4 years since I have updated this blog. I guess that means one of a couple of things: I've been very busy or I have moved on. At this point, it is safe to say that I just got busy.

October always kick starts the worst time of the year. After Katie died, the memories were so fresh and the dates were so clear in my head. September 30th, this happened. October 9th, this happened. October 11th, this happened. And so on. So as each day would unfold from October through November, there would be a bump in it. Some were speed humps that I could speed up and hope my shocks were good and others were mountains that would take me days to climb. But as each year has passed, minor dates have blurred and now I'm left to remember the big dates. But for the most part, they are no longer mountains. They run around in my mind like kids playing hide and seek. And once they are found, they quickly move on.

When Katie passed away, every day was filled with reminders of Katie. A cup, a show, a song, clothes, strollers, Camaros, and on and on and on. Everything stopped me in my tracks. Now, those same things still remind me of her, but they don't phase me anymore. They generally make me smile instead of hurt. And for that, I'm extremely thankful.

I like God's sense of humor . . . sometimes. I was contacted by a gentlemen who came across the blog and asked for my help to continue to get more information out to others living with or supporting those with cancer. And when I read his email, it made me laugh and then made me sad to realize that if I forgot this page existed, so did EVERYONE else! But I offered to help and if one person reads it, then hopefully an impact was made.

I have a feeling I'll be posting more again. Call me crazy, but pouring my soul out to the world always seems to help! Enjoy the article by David Haas and pass it along to anyone that could possibly benefit from it.


Molly said...

James, I am so glad you are writing here again. Strangely, I am missing Kate more now than I did the past two years. Not sure why, but I am in tears at least once weekly wishing I could talk to her. Love you.

Tara said...

James, if I've forgotten this existed I'm pretty sure your other friends have too. When you write again, make sure and let us know. I love you and can't wait to see y'all thanksgiving. Happy early birthday.

Dana }!{ said...

James, I am sorry to say since I have known you I never knew this page existed. I have not known you for that long but I am extremely grateful that you are apart of my life!!! Now that I know about this blog I will check back in to read your posts!!!! Love you. Dana }!{

Anonymous said...

James, miss you brother....

We have not talked in sometime and I am quite sure there is a lot that is new in both of our lives. Glad you posted here, it has been a while! Give me a call/text sometime 856-562-7730

John Manzi

Teresa said...

James, I counted, and nearly 80 people have viewed the Carepage since you updated it. Safe to say that, while it may not be foremost in people's minds, lots of folks still click the link to see what's new with you. And people ask me regularly how you are doing. I think you need to visit here. You still have lingering celebrity status at Northlake! You are right...we are going into the "bad time" of the year, and I am feeling it, too. Recently, I've been drinking lots of pumpkin spice lattes and thinking of you and Kate. We are all really looking forward to seeing you next week. We love you.

Molly, I am with you. (I won't say "I feel you," because we both know what Kate would do with THAT!) Time changes things, but grieving is not linear. I still have times now that seem just as hard if not harder than a few years ago. What can we do, though, but hang on, and try to remember all the things we want to talk about with Kate when we see her again. On a regular basis, I see or hear about someone doing something stupid and think, "got to save that one for Kate!"


Through the worst tragedy I could never imagine, my life has become what it has become. Through this blog, I will continue to tell my story. Some days are good and many are not, but those are the cards I've been delt and I will continue to play my hand until the Lord makes me fold. Also, I hope that you will learn more about Pancreatic cancer and help bring light to this horrible disease so that other victims will be given more time to enjoy life than my precious wife had. Happy reading.