As I expected, things are really getting tough again. I'm doing well as far as getting up and getting through my days, but there are several times a day that I have to stop and regroup.
I'm at the shore tonight with Katie's family. We made plans last summer to rent a shore house and we'd all vacation together. One thing we were all excited about was that Fran would watch the babies while we played at the beach. And the reality is that Fran did babysit, but not my baby. And we did play at the beach but there was a void. But overall, I'm having a wonderful time. I'm only spending a couple of days because of work, but I think it will be better for me. I can stay busy enough for two days to not think as much but a whole week would give me a little too much idle brain time. I'm getting up to go watch the sunrise tomorrow. I love to see the sunrise over the ocean. Last year when Katie and I took our vacation to the shore, I woke up really early one morning and decided to go watch the sunrise. I didn't bother waking Kate because she loved her sleep and I knew she would still be asleep when I got back. But she woke up and when I told her what I was doing, she wanted to join me. It will always be one of the my favorite memories. We grabbed some coffee from Wawa and headed to the beach. It was still dark and the tractor that rakes the sand was still out. We got up close to the water, set up our chairs and talked and waited. The sunrise that morning was spectacular and so very peaceful. We sat and talked for some time after the sun was up and then in the water I saw this fin sticking up. DOLPHINS! There was a whole school of dolphins and we spent a good hour just watching them and trying to photograph them. They were swimming right up near the shore and they would glide up and out of the water. It was amazing. Katie always wanted to swim with the dolphins so looking back, I think that God was giving her the dolphins that morning because she would never have another chance. So needless to say, I would love to see dolphins in the morning, but I'll be happy with a beautiful sunrise.
Right now, I hate the constant reminders. It makes me very anxious and that isn't how I've ever been or want to be. I have that feeling of, "if I don't think about, I don't have to remember." And that's easier right now but unfortunately, I don't have that kind of control over my mind yet!
I do have some good news. A big opportunity I've been working on to continue raising awareness about pancreatic cancer has come through. I'll more details soon, but just pray that it all will go well.