Dreams, Tears and Work

I was just recently thinking that I haven't dreamed about Katie in a while. I was having dreams about her frequently for a while and then they just went away. Last night, Katie made a guest appearance. I don't remember anything about the dream except that Katie was griping at me for not walking Logan enough because he had pooped in the house. I argued that he had not pooped in the house and that we had been taking long walks in the evenings and that he hadn't pooped in the house for a long time (which is all true). Then low and behold, that little rat really did poop in the house today. Even now, I can't win an argument with her!!

Today was one of the toughest days I've had in a while. I'm not sure why but everything seemed to remind me of her and lots of images popped into my head on my drive. I almost had to pull over twice because I couldn't see past my tears. Then this evening I saw a couple of things I had been trying to find for her when she became less responsive. There was a CD and some fragrant oils that she loved. I looked everywhere for them and then a few weeks after she passed, I found them. Tonight I stumbled on them again and I just started saying, "I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry." I'm not sure why. I know that she was OK without them and she has even better now. I guess I just feel like I failed because I wanted to continue doing what I would usually do for her which was find ways to make her happy. And feel like I failed. Rationally I know that it's OK, but that is one of the few things I regret and wish that I could have been able to do for her.

So here's the brief update on my life and why I have been so busy. I am commuting to East Brunswick, NJ 6 days a week to help a new store get opened. I have been doing the hiring and all of the preopening organization. We still have 2 more weeks of hiring and then training begins. I have really enjoyed the change of pace and getting involved with helping to set a restaurant up for success. It reminds me of my coordinator years. I will be staying around there to help until at least the end of July. I think it will be a great challenge and we have hired an awesome staff so far which will help to make the opening a little easier. So that's my life in a nutshell. I've been trying to go to bed a little earlier than usual since I have to commute in the mornings. That's been a bigger challenge than the actual work. But I'm getting better. Just as I get really comfortable going to bed early, I'll be switching back to my normal work hours though!