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Tuesday, March 13, 2007

Starting Fresh

This is my first post as I transition from CarePages to this blog. I'm excited about the flexibility it will give me with posting and adding pictures. CarePages offered me a great format for getting me to the point I'm at now, but when it was started, it was about Katie. Now it has become solely about me and my day-to-day struggles. I will miss CarePages a lot. Especially because I could easily see who was checking in. Not that I wanted to keep tabs but because it felt good to see that people cared enough about me to see how I was doing. But I will enjoy not having to log in all the time and getting logged out after an hour.
So how am I doing? My eyes are doing great. Before Lasik, my vision was 20/600 and now it is 20/20. The blurry night vision is gone and my short distance focus is great. I couldn't be more pleased. My friend Tara came up to visit from Arkansas. We went with some of my friends to New York on Saturday. It was my first time visiting the Big Apple. I thought the city might be overwhelming, but I found it rather easy to get around (although we did have a NY expert with us) and I thought that the hustle and bustle might be too much but the crowds were great and the weather was perfect. So now I have to say that the farthest North I've ever been is New York. It has a nicer ring than Cherry Hill! The worst part about being in NY on a beautiful day was that there were so many parents pushing their babies around in Bugaboos. Especially in Central Park. Babies are my soft spot right now. I don't mind seeing couples because I know that what I had with Katie is rare and that I would rather have nothing than settle for less. But the baby thing is little tough right now. Yeah, there's time for me to have kids and yada yada, but . . . I always say the one I was supposed to have but obviously I wasn't supposed to have it. If I was supposed to have it, I would; right? So I guess I have to continue to train my mind to understand that I had what I was supposed to and if I didn't get it, then it was never mine. My next big holiday hurdle is St. Patrick's day. It was special for us and we always celebrated. I have to work all night which will help and being that it is a Saturday, I'll be very busy.

1 comment:

JEN said...

Dearest James,
God is with you my friend and although it takes one day at a time to move on in our paths of grief,, U truly have taken one step forward in your healing by setting up this new blog. It is just lovely to read your words and feel the deep deep love u have for your dear wife..Being a widow for nearly nine years I can only say I can relate to many of your expressions, especially others asking about u being ready to MOVE on, they truly never have had the true love that we have experienced and I too have felt sorry for many like that....I can promise u this, u will continue to have thoughts of your wife each and every day of your life..some days more than others but that part never changes...the thoughts just eventually bring a smile to your face and people wonder what u are smiling about....Keep the faith, With friendship in widowhood, Jen Miller of KC, MO


Through the worst tragedy I could never imagine, my life has become what it has become. Through this blog, I will continue to tell my story. Some days are good and many are not, but those are the cards I've been delt and I will continue to play my hand until the Lord makes me fold. Also, I hope that you will learn more about Pancreatic cancer and help bring light to this horrible disease so that other victims will be given more time to enjoy life than my precious wife had. Happy reading.